The Most Incredible Day

It was Sunday. I woke up at 8am, quite early for the weekend, but for some reason I was not fatigued in the least. I let Amanda continue to sleep and decided to go for a walk. It was cool outside, as it has been recently due to the City’s onslaught of intense thundershowers, no doubt caused by Al Gore.

Our neighbourhood is mostly upper middle class with some low-income housing peppered throughout. I walked through one of the more affluent streets and noticed that the stepford wives yard sales were just getting into full swing. This is the best kind of yard sale, as it is typically run by a middle age former trophy wife with no concept of the true value of something. As I came to the corner, I noticed an old lady sitting patiently by herself in front of a table filled with knick-knacks. I felt a little bad for her so I stopped to have a look. She was very sweet, and before I knew it I had purchased $10 worth of tea-cloths. I was about to take my buyer’s remorse and leave, when she said to me, “Do you like cars young man?”. “Sure, I guess.” I replied. “Come with me. My husband, may he rest in peace, had this god-forsaken jalopy that I swear he loved more than me, and I would like nothing more than to get rid of it. It’s very old, but I think it still works. If you would give me $20 for it, I’d even throw in a few more of those tea-cloths you like so much.” She opened the garage door and my jaw dropped. I was staring at a 1963 Jaguar XKE Roadster.

With my new car and a passenger seat full of tea-cloths, I drove back towards the condo. I was a little too excited about my new purchase so it took me a while to notice the flashing lights in my rear view mirror. I pulled over and watched as the officer took his time strolling up to my window. “What year is this?” He asked enthusiastically, to which I replied. “63, I believe.” He began to tell me about his love for classic cars, especially Jags, and confessed that he only pulled me over so he could look at it closer. “I don’t suppose you’d mind… could I take it for a spin?”. I thought for a moment and said, “Well, only if you allow me to follow behind you in the cruiser.” “I could get in a lot of trouble for that… but this is a dream of mine… ok, but stay close and no sirens.”

We pulled out from the quiet neighbourhood and took the onramp to the 401. Traffic was beginning to get heavy, and I was having trouble keeping track of the over zealous officer. As the last of the tea-cloths blew past my window, I realized that I had indeed lost him. Before I could reach the next exit, the radio inside the police car came to life “Attention all units, we’ve have a robbery at Royal Bank at Bayview and York Mills, the perpetrators have escaped and are reportedly heading westbound driving a black Dodge Durango. All units please advise on your position.” Wait a minute… I just came from Bayview and York Mills… I’m heading westbound. I looked in the mirror and saw a black SUV swerving erratically and knew exactly what I had to do. I moved over to the shoulder and braked hard, allowing the perp to pass me on the left. I flicked the siren on and gunned the engine. I looked down at the speedometer as I approached the back of the SUV ; it read 210. I knew this had to end quickly, so I positioned myself beside the SUV’s back corner and put the pedal to the floor. In a flash, the SUV turned from soccer-mom shuttle to a rolling pile of metal reminiscent of a formula one crash.

Luckily no one was hurt but the robbers. I was detained for a while at the police station where I had to fill out an enormous amount of paper work. It was decided that it would be best for all parties if this whole issue was kept under wraps, so we shook hands and parted ways. They let me keep the Jag, but I decided it would be wrong of me to defraud an old lady like that, so I posted it on ebay, will all the proceeds going to her.

It was late evening when I finally got home. “Where were you all day?” Amanda asked. “I was worried sick! You’d better have some amazing story to tell me…” I smiled, “It’s funny you should say that…”


Actually we spent the whole day trying to organize our closets, but that makes for a much less interesting story.


One Response to “The Most Incredible Day”

  1. OMG!! HAHAHAHHAA. That was the best thing I have had to read in a long time!!!! And yes, you had me up until the cops got involved! hahahaha.

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