They’re not track marks…I swear!

What they tell you: You can safely give blood every 59 days. What they don’t tell you: Doing so may secure you a spot on A&E’s ‘Intervention’.

My first donor experience took place about 8 years ago in my high school gymnasium. The gym was packed with young men showing off their toughness, accompanied by their soul-mate of the month; young women wanting to do a good thing, accompanied by their young women friends who couldn’t donate because of an iron deficiency; and those who said they ‘did it for the cookies’.

Not much has changed. Large room with lots of beds. Same little old ladies bringing you juice. And of course, those same increasingly disturbing background questions:

Are you feeling well today? Yes

Have you ever injected a human growth hormone? No

Have you spent more than three months in Central or South America? Hmm…Nope

Have you ever shared needles with anyone that has Aids or has lived in Eastern Europe before 1977? Wow, that Eastern European Aids ban of ’78 really cleaned the place up…

Have you ever been peed on by a monkey? There was that time at African Lion Safari…

Have you ever had sex with a South African who lives in Cambodia while peeing on a monkey? I beleive it was an Orangutan…

Have you ever had a threesome with two Nigerian monkey prostitute with Aids while injecting human grown hormone? Where do I sign up…

The actual transfusion was rather uneventful, although the new needle mark combined with the faint mark from 59 days ago has given my left arm that chique junkie look that seems to be all the rage these days. I think I’m going to take a little break from donating. At least until I look less like an Any Winehouse youtube video.

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